May 6, 2006 12:00 AM, A close Jewish friend of mine recently lost his mother.
(He/she has just lost the other half of their soul! (63)
It is best to speak about the one who has passed away, and if you have any stories or memories to share with the mourner, this is the time to do so. Planning the shloshim, the words on the headstone, and finally the yahrtzeit are all topics we are currently discussing, and we once again feel like the close knit family we were living under the same roof thirty years ago. susan drane,
June 15, 2008 4:56 PM. It's a very stressful and sad time, but it feels so good to read about it in this context. That is our initial condition. Your Judaism. Give tzedakah in your loved one's memory. October 28, 2008 10:51 AM, A dear friend died yesterday and although I am Jewish and lost my father 4 years ago I was not as acquainted with the mourning process.
When I lost my infant son, there were few who could share my memories.
(28)
Anonymous,
KG,
I just find no comfort though with the fact that parents or grieving for parents is put in the front row of grief time. Thank you, (48)
Without your instruction it would have been difficult, but it was easy. January 24, 2011 10:39 PM. The outer signs of mourning are suspended before the beginning of Shabbat so that a person has time to properly prepare. Thank you for this article.
Anonymous,
He has no family left. He would feed her by hand, like a little child. I would never want to offend. Anonymous,
Lynn,
Anonymous,
The mourner always eats sitting low. January 23, 2007 9:22 AM, SPIRITUAL INSIGHT IN THE WAKE OF MY NEPHEWS DEATH. October 2, 2011 6:40 PM. The shiva, a new experience for us, was incredible. Then you can talk to them, but what about? She is the Founding Director of The Jewish Women's Renaissance Project, an international initiative that brings thousands of women to Israel each year from 18 different countries on highly subsidized programs to inspire them with the beauty and wisdom of their heritage (www.jwrp.org).
Yesterday I attended my first Jewish one and read came across this website and read the wonderfully written document. (92)
I lost my mother almost a year ago. Agape,
January 19, 2009 4:03 PM, My husband died 16 days ago, he was only 56, and had a heart attack...I felt better reading this--I have that aching empty pain, and knowing that its' okay to mourn for a month made me also feel better-, (90)
Unfortunately this means doing shive into Rosh HaShanah. Our editor needs it in case we have a question about your comment. I am wondering specifically what the protocol for attending functions for the entire year are as I mourn my mothers death.
August 20, 2011 5:23 PM. The 30 days is an important central cycle of time, a time to renew and to come to grips with a new reality. My mother's last words to me, 3 days before she died, was that I was a good daughter and that she loved me. Anonymous,
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The entire process of shiva was so beautifully thought out by the rabbanim. It's as if when I finally get rid of all his stuff and leave the house we lived in together. Opinion varies on the appropriateness of sending flowers.
We recognize that we first must learn to remain with ourselves and our own pain. July 12, 2011 2:00 PM. When we pray, we focus on God and not on ourselves. I am a Catholic and recently buried my dear sweet mother. Traci Day,
I was raised a Jew and have moved away from its roots. Craig,
Thank you so very much. September 8, 2010 10:30 PM. I feel like now i can better understand the people who call in now. Laura,
We expect our children to out-live us. Thank you. I do not think this is a coincidence.
(see Paying a Shiva Call This means that the outer signs of mourning (covering mirrors where others can see, sitting low, wearing mourner's garments, etc.) October 24, 2006 9:55 AM.
I have an 11 year old son and we are doing pretty well although it troubles me he has not come to the cemetary yet. I gave the daughter, my cousin, a copy of Lori's book and hope it gives her some perspective and comfort, if she is even willing to read it. So i read about it in your article and it is amazing how much it helped. Let them lead and talk about what they want to talk about. (150)
(I cry when I daven, for instance. She also watches for the smallest sign in her clients’ speech, action, coded and symbolic forms that appear in their art and play, and responds with a small sign. By sitting there silently, you are saying more than words can. Oh how I wish I could find a way to break this feeling I have had for yrs ! EVEN THOUGH MY CO WORKERS ARE VERY UNDERSTANDING IT IS STILL VERY, VERY HARD.THANK YOU FOR CARING. This week is called "sitting shiva," and is an emotionally and spiritually healing time where the mourners sit low, dwell together, and friends and loved ones come to comfort them with short visits referred to as "shiva calls.". You only lost an aunt. Throughout Shiva, friends, and relatives bring food to the mourners to eliminate the need for them to think about preparing meals. david,
On the afternoon before these days, when ushering in the holiday, one should light a yartzeit candle at home in memory of the loved one. Most restrictions that applied to mourners during the seven-day shiva period are now lifted. A 91 year old's passing is sad, but it is NOT TRAGIC. Sylvia,
Barbara,
It can be said in either Hebrew or English: Ha-Makom y'nachem et'chem b'toch sha'ar aveilei Tzion v'Yerushalayim.
I finally found my student, who was directing the waitresses in the kitchen. One of the most informative articles I have every read about death and shiva but I am left with one question. If held at the home of the family of the deceased, very often relatives and friends will supply the refreshments to relieve the family of that task. The Jewish way of mourning offers much comfort and solace just because it gives people permission to mourn while also recognizing that people are unique in how they mourn. It is also where pain and loss are shared. Her name is Pearl and she is always in my heart. (39)
If you are not sure of the Jewish date, contact a synagogue, yeshiva or funeral home and they will surely help you. November 14, 2010 10:07 PM. ), "It's good that you have other children," or, "Don't worry, you'll have more." I'll be going to a funeral tomorrow for a friend that passed away on Friday...and I'm worried about being able to handle everything with it being so close to my mother's funeral. THANK YOU VERY MUCH,ADAM, (69)
It is where Judaism lives. Anonymous,
Richard,
In some families, it is traditional to take attendees to a restaurant after the funeral, in which case, the family of the deceased pays the bill. For mourners to get up from the shiva and jump back into a normal routine would not be healthy. Food or drinks are not laid out for the visitors, because the mourners are not hosts. September 16, 2005 12:00 AM. Yet the soul, the essence of our loved one, is eternal. Since the passing of my father in April, 2008, I have struggled with some of the traditions that I should have known.
The process of mourning is not easy, and the Jewish way provides a structure to let mourners feel their aloneness, separating them from the outside world and then gradually reinstating them back into society. I am still in shloshim, and it helps to know that what I'm feeling, and my urges for prayer, are not only normal, but to be expected. The wick and the flame are also compared to the body and soul, and the strong bond between them. Nevertheless, meat and wine should not be eaten. See more ideas about Sitting shiva, Shiva, Sit. Sending flowers or making a donation to a designated charity in the name of the deceased is appropriate.
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