Some people don't even think what they are, they just are themselves, acting on instinct. Like many people with anxiety – my energy tends to center in my head (thinking, analyzing, obsessing, worrying). I totally made an idiot of myself in front of a group of people. It’s just natural, you’re just comfortable with them. The best way to rapidly and reliably flip that switch, to go from internal focus to outward focus, is to actually do an opener. September 24, 2014 Psychology & Business Read More. Up next, I've got a controversial tip I discovered to have the loving life you deserve, by tapping into what speaks to a woman's DNA on a genetic level... and this works every single time. After all, it’s only natural to see anxiety as an enemy in our minds, a villain that needs to be defeated. In its worst cases, it’s the obsessive thinking that’s connected to OCD, depression or anxiety disorder. Slowly, through deep breathing and replacing negative thoughts with gratitude, that inward storm is left with no shrapnel to whip around. But when you’re outwardly focused, … So I’ll do a first opener, eject, and then think to myself, “okay throwaway done.”. It was just a matter of keeping my mind busy and focusing on outward tasks rather than me. Any tips would be appreciated. Well he told me this story that one night he tried a feel good drug that made him feel really warm and empathetic toward everyone around him, and on that night he and his friends went out and he ended up approaching and talking to over 20 groups of women. Your email address will not be published. The drug sounds like molly. There are mornings when any of us can awaken to one of Rumi’s new arrivals: it is a dark thought, a meanness, a malice. I know that nothing is going to come out of that first interaction. But it’s damn near impossible to get into that kind of state UNTIL you do your first approach meeting new women. When you’re inwardly focused, it’s your internal dialogue or self-talk that’s controlling you. the spotlight effect can be much worse, to the point that it has an effect on your ability to work or feel comfortable around other people.1 Always seek the advice of your doctor, psychiatrist or other qualified health professional with any questions you may have regarding a mental health or other medical condition. That internal voice doesn’t say to you, “uh oh what if I fall down, then what.”. Escitalopram (Lexapro), fluoxetine (Prozac), and paroxetine (Paxil) are examples of this type of drug usually prescribed to treat depression and anxiety… Since they are less dependent on externals or verbal communication, anxiety and trauma treatments that teach patients to turn inward may seem awkward or uncomfortable at first. I love the way you step back and look at analyzing, it’s ironic in a way but beautifully worded. If this is true the less time we spend beating ourselves up, possibly the better... Navigate Mental Health Services in the UK. Like a gerbil hooked up to an endless drip of an energy drink, they run and run and wheel … Going Inward Wellness offers a number of services including, individual therapy, workshops, and professional … This post outlines some key relaxation techniques that you can use with your clients or on yourself to reduce anxiety and stress. There are many things you can do to relax and feel better when you feel nervous. Anxiety, as defined by the American Psychological Association, is an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts, and physical changes, such as increased blood pressure. You’re going to give off the wrong kind of energy. By the time you reach ten openers, you feel like you’re on top of the world, like you can do anything and it doesn’t even matter if the next woman doesn’t give you the ideal response because you know it’s a breeze to approach the next ten women. When you’re inwardly focused, you’re thinking about a goal or a result, like “I have to get her to like me.” But when you’re outwardly focused, you’re acting. Personally I think human nature is a mix... these were purely put there for examples. But when you’re outwardly focused, you’re paying attention to what’s right in front of you and outside your head. The first opener you do, you’re going to be in the wrong state of mind. The first opener for meeting new women is always the throwaway. He uses historical examples, from Tocqueville to Tony Robbins, to help us keep perspective and to I cannot thank you enough for this, this makes me understand… so much. Every morning, no matter how many approaches you did the previous day or night, you start the next morning back at zero. Many of the best psychological minds have had great success with the techniques below. Don’t worry about it, just make it a piece of garbage, have no expectations of the outcome. However, when approaching women, that inwardly focused state really isn’t that useful. Copyright © 2021. When you walk, you’re not inwardly focused on where your legs are moving. Click on "Watch later" to put videos here. A new study finds anxiety may shift your perspective from the outer to the inner. The physical symptoms of anxiety can show up any time, even when you least expect it. Everyone feels nervous at some point. I guess my anxiety has always been fairly thought-based in nature, often causing my mind to turn sharply inwards. He said that voice inside his head that normally held him back was completely turned off and he just felt friendly and open and natural in saying hello and he got the best responses from women he had ever had. How about this is a big idea. Attention Turned Inward Can Help Soothe Anxiety and Increase Well-Being . Learning to understand this symptom and approach it correctly will result in a dramatic return to full clarity and calm. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. I wondered if, at some point, you might be able to touch upon some strategies for dealing with fearfulness around repetitive thoughts/inward thinking, constantly having anxiety on your mind. I agree with much of what you say but i think a problem can arise when we are not even aware we have good and bad in us, but maybe think we are all good or all bad. It was enormously helpful to me too. The mind stubbornly goes inward, accompanied by negative, fearful thoughts. I find that I’ll do all the right things and end up having girls start to show that they are interested in me, but as soon as I see a little of that I lose all the momentum I had and become outcome dependent and screw everything up. Because after you sleep, the mind has a tendency to go back into that internally focused state by the time you wake up the next morning. With anxiety, not only are these thoughts (and more) running through our brains, but they are always running through our brains, non-stop, endlessly. The first opener you can always expect to suck. Anxiety attacks and depression can come out of nowhere. Home; Behaviour; Humour; Innovation; Inspiration; Leadership; Perceptions; Strategy; September 24, 2014 Taming Our Mind Read More. Now I know how to warm up better. I spent most of my life fighting anxiety. Work on your limiting beliefs and positive thinking ... One major reason for anxiety is inward focus. It is: think outwards, feel inwards. Whether it’s working to resolve trauma, negative experiences, or misunderstood emotions, turning inward with the correct guidance can renew and strengthen our well-being and our relationships with others. Central to RNT are processes of rumination — repeatedly thinking about the past — and worry, being concerned about the future. The feel-good drug was like a violent FLIP of the switch between his internal focus state and his outward focus state for installing inner game. Changing behaviors works well with this type of habit but it’s been discovered that reading books is a simple and effective way to also interrupt this negative cycle of thinking. In those years I've traveled all over the world honing attraction technology and teaching workshops and bootcamps. It feels like I have a tentacle-like focus on myself, high self-awareness and an almost obsessive desire to think about myself and the anxiety. On that first approach, I know I’m not projecting the best state to that first woman. The perfectionist is the ultimate black or white thinker; a pattern that is very common in people with anxiety and depression. And it’s not alcohol. About Us; Contact Us; close . That is an interesting read, thank you for posting your thoughts. Yeah, it’s a good one to follow. Any advice posted on the Mental Health Forum website or forum is for support purposes only. Copyright 2007 - 2020 Together 4 Change Limited - A non-profit organisation. But I then I remind myself that a thought is just a thought, not a behavior. The Mental Health Forum is run by Together For Change, Suite 223, 266 Banbury Road, Oxford, United Kingdom, OX2 7DL This means, I prioritize accepting the whole person as is, and help clients identify patterns in their thinking in order to change harmful behaviors. Hi, I'm Jesse! The problem with some anxiety sufferers is that they always tend to worry and overthink about everything and so then the mind defends itself from this onslaught by using its built-in system to protect itself. Think about it, everyone spends part of their day at least outwardly focused so it’s a state you’re already familiar with. I know this type of language is meant to empower people. So when you go out to approach and open women, and you may tend to have all this internal self talk going on inside your head that’s creating doubt and hesitation. Here’s the killer. Thinking 'right' is not about 'correctly' or 'incorrectly', but more about 'inwardly' or 'outwardly'.it. Amazing article. So everything hinges on getting past that first approach. Social anxiety makes you anxious about being negatively judged by others and this can take a serious toll on your self-esteem. Maybe some notes about exercises would be good. Having a daily routine—especially in these uncertain times—is key to keeping you on track, motivated, and productive.… It stills and leaves our hearts at peace. Our goal is to equip you so you can have … Now one thing to keep in mind that this barrier, this issue of hesitation on the first opener of the day, will never go away. I also think liberalism needs its own careful inward thinking about just what we want this to be. If you are experiencing feelings of depersonalization (brain fog) and frustration surrounding this stubborn anxiety symptom, there are many natural options that will ensure full and permanent recovery. You’re not thinking to yourself, “Okay, so what do I say next.” The conversation just flows on its own. Im sure they thought I was some creepy dude. Here’s the difference. This could be anything from self loathing to focussing on our shortfalls. It should not be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. When you’re inwardly focused, you’re thinking about a goal or a result, like “I have to get her to like me.” But when you’re outwardly focused, you’re acting. P.S. Many thanks for your fantastic podcasts. The only point of the throwaway is to FLIP that switch, to get your brain from internal to outward focus, to get the hormones and serotonin levels, the natural drugs of your own mind, up and flowing. Now being able to inwardly focus is an incredibly useful skill to have when say, writing a research paper or working through a personal problem in your life. I hope we have a political culture that comes out of this. When one falls into the loop of anxiety, they often need something to interrupt this cycle of worry. All or Nothing Thinking. Living inside my head is definitely one of my big problems. I wanted to know if you had any other tips besides throw away openers. So you get a lot of practice at being internally focused, and it can be hard to break out of that pattern when it’s that time in the day that you want to go out and meet women. If we can turn around this inward thinking, our minds may very well start turning to our life paths, and focussing on progressing on it, … So every day you’re going to have to do that throwaway opener again when meeting new women just to get back into that outwardly focused state. Effective. You must log in or register to reply here. Nervousness is a natural reaction to a new or stressful event. It's about the whole of society. When you’re inwardly focused, you’re analysis oriented and reacting to the situation. When you’re inwardly focused, you’re nervous or trying to whip up confidence. If we can turn around this inward thinking, our minds may very well start turning to our life paths, and focussing on progressing on it, rather than being stagnant beating ourselves up. As I applied this behaviour, I noticed moments of normality that kept adding up as the days passed!!!! Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. -reminisce. Anxiety can cause physical feelings (increased heart rate, breathing rate, perspiration, tension) that, … He follows one thought to another towards some elusive goal that feels fascinating and of the utmost value and importance. If he has to deal with it at all he will try to change it and mold it into how it … And to take the pressure off, I like to think of that first approach as a “throwaway opener” in that most likely it’s going to be garbage. In 'Status Anxiety', Alain creates room for us to ponder how we can live our lives when we are kinder towards ourselves and others. This is a dangerous cognitive distortion that puts the person into one of two camps: a success or a failure. Qigong is profound in it's ability to center the energy in the body – resulting in feeling more grounded, centered and alive. When you’re inwardly focused, you’re consciously weighing risks, analyzing the situation, and basing your actions on preconceived judgments, which usually translates into hesitation and fear. That is why we are going to look at a technique that will help you reconstruct your thinking to counter social anxiety (and anxiety in general). When you’re inwardly focused, you’re nervous or trying to whip up confidence. You need a fast, quick, reliable way to install inner game, to switch from being inwardly focused to being outwardly focused where you’re just running on adrenaline and action. That’s normal however, and it will get easier and easier with time. When you’re outwardly focused, you run on auto-pilot and are relaxed in knowing that whatever you say will make a good impression. The all or nothing thinker will settle for nothing in-between and will often dwell on self-defeating thoughts. Inward thinking in my opinion can be negative in its nature. Anxiety and Depression: Unwanted Guests or Heralds for Change? When I hear people talk about anxiety, I notice the same words over and over: fight, crush, battle. What you need is a way to FLIP the switch of inward focus to outward focus game instantly at once, in an outwardly focused way. But when you’re outwardly focused, you’re relaxed and natural and outside your head. I know that I may even stumble over my own words and forget everything I’m supposed to remember. Contents. This could be anything from self loathing to focussing on our shortfalls. That’s the dillema. In the Bible, we are told exactly how to combat anxiety, and it … If you’re a Christian, I have good news for you. I specialize in working with adolescents and adults who are dealing with depression; trauma; mood regulation; anxiety; life transitions and loss. And then, after the second opener, you’re even more high and the third and fourth openers become even easier and easier. You’re internally focused inside your own head and you can’t get out of it. I heard something today that has given me a lot of healing along with the article you wrote. JavaScript is disabled. I could give you all kinds of exercises for installing inner game to relax you, to up your confidence, but the fact is, any kind of mental exercise I would give you would in itself be an internally focused exercise having to do with being inside your own head. When you’re inwardly focused you think about all the things that could go wrong or what you should say. The very fact that these scary thoughts cause anxiety means that I don’t want to act on those thoughts, and, at the same time, a thought only has the power that you give it. Anxious people, a team of University of Iowa researchers discovered, displayed more egocentrism than people experiencing … Works. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. You might spend most of your day internally focused, you’re job might require that you spend most of your time by yourself doing a repetitive task over and over again, or a thinking task that requires almost no distraction. We need a new social contract. One day we are fine and the next we are filled with angst and despair. Its about living life! But a really amazing thing happens after that first opener when you’re out meeting new women. When you’re inwardly focused, you’re paying attention to the self-talk going on inside your head. Stinking Thinking refers to the negative thoughts that torment us especially when we are HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired; thoughts such as a distorted view of God and self, negative thinking, justification, fear, and anxiety. Fortunately, there are methods we can use to curb anxiety. We just find a way to stop thinking that everything is about us as individuals. Menu. A lot of our struggles might be due to "inward thinking". We will address each of these topics so we can discern between the lies we have believed over the years and replace them with God’s truth. Or what I like to call a throwaway opener. [music] Kai: Indeed. After all it’s your throwaway. It is not. This does not mean I ran around frantically doing things to forget my anxiety as this would be running away. You want to be in a great, playful, take action kind of state when opening women. I have just recently experienced severe anxiety for the second time in my life (the anxiety has been going on and off for a few days) but this time it was coupled with violent intrusive thoughts, a feeling I have never had and it really scared me. Feelings of anxiety and stress can be so unpleasant that they disrupt our daily life. It sure acts like one. Now I’m not saying to go out and use drugs because there’s a much more natural and safe way to get the very same effect of installing inner game. He always had this hesitation about approaching women because he was so internally focused, which was good most of the time because it allowed him to be successful in business and make a lot of money, but it would always freeze him up when it came to approaching women. Thinking -- overthinking -- a tumbling chain of worries, vague thoughts, and specific thoughts (all anxiety disorders) Result of Anxiety and Overthinking. While you may consider anxiety to be all about your thoughts, … In his quest for social status, He probes the causes, and explores various prescriptions taken from philosophy, art, politics, religion, and bohemia to sooth our fears. I probably had it worse! No, if … For example, when you’re hanging out with your best friends, you’re not concerned about what they’re going to think of you if you do this or if you say that. However, as treatment progresses, the inner world becomes more secure, familiar, and healing.Unfortunately, most of us do not live our adult lives in this manner. However, it’s that very, very first opener that’s the hardest. The world of his senses never measures up and feels like a distraction. Alcohol is a depressant and with most people actually makes them more reserved and less talkative. No matter what kind of response you get from the woman, good or so-so, your brain switches into a pumped up, adrenaline packed outwardly focused state of mind that makes the next opener much, much easier to carry through. The what-if monster is “What if this happens to ME?” So, if I focus the searchlight of attention on being of service to others, including people, animals and plants, then my own issues recede in importance. CONTACT ME | REFUND POLICY | PRIVACY POLICY | BY ENTERING, YOU AGREE TO OUR TERMS & CONDITIONS, Destroy your fear of girls- easy trick to obliterate social anxiety forever, A Quick Trick to Make A Girl Like You – Assume Rapport Acting, 4 Fixes to Bust Approach Anxiety Instantly | The Simple Cure, 5 Tips to Overcome Approach Anxiety (Instantly). But that’s okay. A lot of our struggles might be due to "inward thinking". We may struggle to focus, sleep, or work, and we might even hurt the people around us. Approaching women requires an outwardly focused state of mind, getting outside your head, where your focus isn’t on thinking about the situation, but rather acting with it. My thinking during these times can not only be scary, but also make me feel like I’m a bad or evil person for having such thoughts. Here is a way to counter it by rephrasing your thoughts Click To Tweet. 1. Anxiety often begins in childhood. Being able to inwardly focused and not being distracted by outside stimuli can mean better success at school or at your work. If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like join now. It’s not a conscious process, you’re not dedicating that internal voice, that self-talk to directing your legs. Just happened to me tonight. But I don’t anymore. We’ve all experienced the cyclical, repetitive thinking of rumination. They walk one in front of the other, naturally and you’re outside your head. The Introvert, on the other hand, is a person who spends his free time thinking about ideas and concepts and, maybe, numbers and dreams. This stops the constant inward thinking of your condition and gives the mind the break it needs. Let me tell you a story about a friend of mine who had trouble getting outside of his own head. Have to constantly develop living outside instead of (inside) your head. Rumination can be as benign as briefly replaying a conversation with our co-worker, wondering if we said the right thing. At Turn Inward Counseling and Coaching we are not far behind. But when you’re outwardly focused, you’re action oriented and leading the situation. According to the CDC, approximately 7% of children between the … Most likely you’re going to come across as less than eloquent to women, perhaps nervous sounding, almost as if you’re fighting yourself to go through with the interaction. I began Seduction Science back in 2001 for smart guys to learn game.
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